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You Too Will Rest

by Careful Gaze

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1.
Okay Depressed and listening to Arcade Fire, in my car at One in the morning There’s a scary amount of things to lose - even more to be created I’ve spent a lot of my life laying on floors, trying to get a handle on everything Haven’t figured out a way to do that yet, I promise I’m always trying I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like myself very much right now I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like myself very much right now I let a piece of myself die so the rest of me could live Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the parts of you that you cannot forgive I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like myself very much right now I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like myself very much right now I need rest I let a piece of myself die so the rest of me could live The last time I considered suicide was driving from Mount Vernon at One AM This feeling of emptiness has been my driver for far too long I’m better than the places that it’s taking me If I can’t reclaim my driver’s seat I will walk myself towards home until my legs buckle beneath me You can pick me up if you choose to do so I will rest in the ruin of my frail creation Depressed and listening to Arcade Fire, in my car at Two in the morning
2.
Our country has been reduced to the smoking barrel of a gun Pressed against the head of everything we do not understand Hatred and famine put us in these dark waters And we can't crawl out unless we drop our weapons Let's stay up late my brothers, let's stay up late my sisters We couldn't win our battles, but we're moving on and limping home Let's lock our arms my brothers, let's lock our arms my sisters They will break our bones before they will break us apart They will erase us for kneeling in the national anthem They will erase us because we ask too many questions They have warred against tyrants for taking away the free will of the public And tell me - how is this any different? There's an ever-growing trail of pipelines and rifles and locker room talk And not a single person can tell me when it's going to stop Let's stay up late my brothers, let's stay up late my sisters We couldn't win our battles, but we're moving on and limping home Let's lock our arms my brothers, let's lock our arms my sisters They will break our bones before they will break us apart We turn to fire When hope doesn't have soil in which to thrive If shelter can't learn to protect what's inside Does that shelter deserve to survive? Let's stay up late my brothers, let's stay up late my sisters We couldn't win our battles, but we're moving on and limping home Let's lock our arms my brothers, let's lock our arms my sisters They will break our bones before they will break us apart
3.
Upstaged 03:15
I need to be destroyed Rearrange the pieces of me if you find something worth salvaging You know the part about glue holding me together I've been writing a lot of songs for myself, and I can’t be sorry for that I needed them They have always told me my songs are sad, and I can’t be sorry for that I needed them If my heart loses control of the pen then I won’t ever write a song again This one is to tell you how much it means that you have not abandoned me Even when your skin is so uncomfortable you wish you could remove it I just played all the sad songs to a mostly empty room I’m sitting on a throne of doubt, and what makes sense is: you What makes sense is: you Like the last note of a ballad in an empty hall Your voice hangs in the malleable air as my pulse begins to slow Check my pupils, in the low light, cradling my skull My soul and body are concussed and you’re the only cure I know There is adhesive on every wall, but we are making ourselves a home I need to be destroyed
4.
You were so confusing when you started singing To the songs we promised we would never love But with speakers crackling from the music blasting Our souls lifted to an elevated sense of euphoria We could never stay this immortal So off we go I'll take my meds when I get home Until that moment I will soar through wild unknown First world depression Will soon give way to first world aggression And when that war breaks out you'll find me all alone Distracted by this broken song My song And you were so beautiful when we began to roll You were ethereal when your body was thrown I had to tell all my friends, so I kept on running Cause I couldn’t keep the voice in my head waiting You won’t forgive me for my lapse in judgment So off we go I'll take my meds when I get home Until that moment I will soar through wild unknown First world depression Will soon give way to first world aggression And when that war breaks out you'll find me all alone Distracted by your broken bones Your bones Alright - you're laying in a burning field with glass in your face and a song in your head I'm at the top of a parking garage staring at the ground wishing I was dead Did a god create us this way - am I a captor of these feelings Are we all one circumstance away from becoming that which haunts us Damn it You won't forgive me in my final moments So off we go I'll take my meds when I get home Until that moment I will soar through wild unknown First world aggression Can't cover up this pain I'm feeling And when that war breaks out you'll find me all alone Distracted by a broken soul My soul
5.
Rainbows 05:25
The day you were born was the best day of your life From there, you learned to smile through pain and say “it’s a good day,” even if that meant you were lying You’ve been lying every day for a long time You've been painting your possessions a deeper shade of blue Because that's what your mother and your father asked of you Well they don't like rainbows, do they They don't like rainbows, do they And they don't like snowflakes, either Give them a snowstorm, darling You asked your mother what those words meant to her She never said them, but you knew she meant them She didn’t have tell you, you’re her liability You heard her telling her work friends You tried to be the boy she wished that you were You cut your hair for her, you burnt that dress for her You painted every wall the deepest shade of blue They covered up the rainbow but they still couldn’t hide you Well they don't like rainbows, do they They don't like rainbows, do they And they don't like snowflakes, either Give them a snowstorm darling Give them a snowstorm Understand you have a place on this earth That is something you can’t afford to forget Understand you will encounter people Trying to blame someone else for their own self hatred You were conditioned to hate yourself Based on the opinion of everyone else - rethink You are not a label or a liability You are a ray across the sky, don’t forget your strength Rethink
6.
How many of you are there, portside How many of my brothers, outside I said I'd give them shelter, I tried You said that you would leave us - you liar How many of you are there, portside How many former brothers, outside I promised to stay up late, I tried I woke to rising water and fire Pure fire You've ruined all our shelters You’ve burned down our treehouses Our vessel’s going under Give me 15 minutes of activism, if there's any hope left I'm losing it Give me 15 minutes of activism, everything is gone now - isn't it Give me 15 minutes of activism, nothing I can say will save this ship Give me 15 minutes of activism, everything outside has gone to shit How many of you are there portside How many former brothers outside You've ruined all our shelters You've ruined all our shelters, the places you helped foster They're smoldering and going under and no one on this boat treads water Murderer - look what you’ve done How many of you are there, portside
7.
Hate Coffin 02:54
Gaslighter, gaslighter You speak the like the vultures that you travel with Ignorant harbinger Feeding on the pain of the softer spoken Profiler, profiler You speak like your heart will never stop beating Vicarious murderer Everybody's hearts stop beating Everybody's hearts stop beating (Gaslighter) Some hearts will stop beating sooner This glass floor won’t hold out forever Just a few more kicks until it shatters When your privileged life is taken from you Your gravestone will read "blue lives matter" Get up, walk out Educated guess - you're quivering behind your blindness Move on, forget You are not a child - you’re too old to be acting like this Let’s go - your hatred won’t be tolerated Leave behind your hateful mindset Or I can guarantee no one holds their breath When you are buried with your own ignorance You will be buried with your own ignorance Your hatred won’t be tolerated
8.
Glue 04:44
I'm putting together a broken church puzzle from the 90s and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you It's missing pieces, kind of like my theology and I wish I could jump inside and speak right to you I'd say “hey Jesus, I'm hopeless as hell and I know nothing but I am not one of the men that's going to kill you Why will your followers someday hate the ones you die for, will their buildings make you wish you'd never come here” No amount of glue can fix something that’s missing pieces No amount of glue can fix this I can't help but realize as I put the scene together, why they always make you look the way you do Caucasian Jesus is making the privileged white folks money every Sunday, in every basket, in every pew They love this culture and as for everyone outside it, it is either a mission or a distraction I haven't found a verse yet where you killed for the sake of country, or where you picketed a local female clinic No amount of glue can fix something that is missing pieces, no amount of glue can fix this Break my neck with your praying hands I will rearrange and reapply the best that I can, no amount of glue can fix this Break me into a better man Break this, just break this I don't believe you’re who the Internet says you are I don't believe you are who the Megachurch says you are I don't believe you are who our President says you are If you are who they say you are, then oh Lord - break my neck with your praying hands Break it, just break it No amount of glue can fix something that is missing pieces, no amount of glue can fix this Break my neck with your praying hands I will rearrange and reapply the best that I can, no amount of glue can fix this Break my into a better man Break this, just break this No amount of glue
9.
Vacant Chair 05:33
You are the wick of a candle, finally burning out and resting in wax pools Your daydreams consist of chandeliers, hanging from the ceiling in your school You are convinced that no one will care that your seat's vacant, or bother to ask "why" You will be two missed calls and an apologetic voicemail on the day you die Your father doesn't call you on your birthday because you stopped making him proud There's something about your mental diagnosis that made him stop reaching out This rope is made of woven words that hurt you, and leave you in a haze The gallows are the loved ones that have told you "this is just a phase” As your lungs deplete of oxygen you will tell yourself “this is a mistake” You will beg the ones that care for you to hold you up and take the rope away listen- This is your community. No communion or holy words spoken through cracked lips can stop your family's weeping if you do this. You are like water spilled from our hands - dribbling a little at a time into the crevices in which your mother planted all of your favorite flowers. You were dying, just like those perennials, and every night of self harm was a petal dropping down, quiet upon impact but resounding with a warning almost no one could understand. Suicide is a language for which there is no translation - forgive us and give us patience as we fumble through sentences with you, grasping for clarity. You mother will grasp for it for years if her greatest creation destroys itself. She will sit in your bedroom and search memories for times she could've seen those petals falling. There are parts of you spilled out across the world already. Do not spill your soul onto these walls, because there are millions of better times and places for expiration than this. Tell us what you need. We are clasping our fingers together in an effort to retain what is left of you. We will sit for hours and talk of solutions or sit silent with you in a room, pondering the weight of simply being ALIVE. You will consider this as a final expression for as long as you exist - but just because you learned a new word doesn't mean you have to use it. We will invent new languages together without blood or dissension. It will take years be fully established. Do not let your place go vacant. Do not let that heart go silent. There is a single petal that hasn't fallen yet, and we will be damned if it is not the most vibrant. Is it too late for me to get help I want out of this It's not too late for me to get help I'll get out of this Take the rope away
10.
I need to tell you something, I'm not as sad as I used to be Depression holes up in my lungs some days but I've been exhaling it into the fresh midwinter breeze You have to to dig to find purpose, I am breaking that ground anywhere I can If I exhaust all my resources you will find me alone, silent and buried in sand Some days I will be this quiet and Others will not understand it If you aren't willing to change The most you will achieve is comfort and mediocrity When I watched someone I love lose consciousness for the last time I understood why that wasn't enough for me It wasn’t enough for me I want to show you something, it’s a feeling that my words cannot explain It’s the blunt force trauma to my heart when I hear the phrase "you give and take away" You have to fight to earn progress, so I will push back on the doors that have kept me out If I get to the gatekeeper and he won't let me in, does that mean I haven’t earned my doubt? There is no way to rationalize Having to see this much loss of life If you aren't willing to change The most you will achieve is comfort and mediocrity When I watched someone I love lose consciousness for the last time I understood why that wasn't enough for me Where my heart lies hasn't changed But who it lies with seems to dwindle with every year When daily actions decide rest or torment I understand why you've edited the god you fear We've all edited the god we fear When we sat with her in silent rooms I never knew how much those moments meant I read a book and took her for granted Never noticing each time she slipped When father said we wouldn't visit much longer I never knew exactly what he meant Our beliefs were based on loved ones dying Why was I surprised that this felt different I was in the room when she shut her eyes I made a sketch of a demon slayer I escaped in passive pencil drawings While they issued her an afterlife prayer I hoped she'd live to see me find my real love It was clear she didn't want to wait I escaped in passive pencil drawings while she passed through eternity's gates
11.
I woke on an island, shed tears for my family You woke on an island with blood on your hands No judgment or hatred regarding appearance We shed our old clothes and we danced on the land We explored for the morning, I talked about futures We mourned over people we harmed in the past We stumbled on wreckage from my former vessel Lying in pieces splintered in the sand And this is just how you wanted it This is just how you wanted it You grew weak on the island, collapsed in some flowers With a look in your eyes I had not seen before The look said “I've lived so sure of where I was going At the end I'm afraid I don't know any more” You apologized and those words hit like a bullet You said “I know we were different but I loved you regardless And all of the reasons that we battled each other Will be buried on the island - and they're not coming with us” And this is just how we wanted it Let’s stay up late my brothers, That is just how we wanted it Let’s stay up late my sisters You died on the island with me right beside you I built you a raft and pushed you from the shore I sent God a message - if they send back your body When they're done with your soul, I will tend to your form I built a new treehouse with wreckage from old ones My brothers and sisters awake in these walls Your body came back so I buried you with them My loved ones and enemies - all stripped of their labels And this is just how I wanted it Let’s stay up late, my brothers This is just how I wanted it Let’s stay up late, my sisters How many of you are there This is just how I wanted it How many of you were there This is just how I wanted it This is just how I wanted it

about

Eliminate bigotry

Eliminate unnecessary labels

Your hatred won't be tolerated

credits

released May 10, 2019

Music written by Gabe Reasoner, Preston West, Aslan Denbow, and Jason Neymeyer.

Lyrics written by Gabe Reasoner.

Recorded December 2018 - January 2019, Engineered by Samuel Howell - Sunken City Records - Minneapolis, MN.

Mixed by Roger Camero at Bright Lights - Santa Ana, CA.

Mastered by Paul Miner at Buzzbomb Studios - Orange, CA.

Artwork by Gabriel Avram (@galaxigabriel) - Rome, Italy

Careful Gaze is:

Gabe Reasoner - Vocals / Bass / Synth

Preston West - Guitar / Vocals

Aslan Denbow - Guitar / Bass

Jason Neymeyer - Drums

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Careful Gaze Minneapolis, Minnesota

MINNEAPOLIS BASED HEAVY, SAD, AND PRETTY

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