Stay up late on weekdays It’s just me and the ceiling, attempting to keep feeling Short weekends and night drives Leave me anxious and pleading - just tell me how you’re doing My trade-offs, and habits Are all that keep me moving, and I can’t track who I’m failing Feigned silence, and shaking I’m trying to be a person, but I’m not very good at it, no One of these days we’re going to have to One of these days we’re going to have to learn One of these days we’re going to have to One of these days we’re going to have to learn to talk to each other If it doesn’t kill you, does it keep you alive? If it doesn’t hurt you, does it make it alright? If it doesn’t numb your pain, is it even worth your time? One of these days we’re going to have to learn to live each other's lives One of these days we're going to have to learn I am the riesling that they told you not to drink And I’ve been waiting for the day you pour me out into the sea, love One of these days we’re going to have to One of these days we’re going to have to learn to talk to each other Tear my body apart If it doesn’t kill you, does it keep you alive? If it doesn’t hurt you, does it make it alright? If it doesn’t numb your pain, is it even worth your time? One of these days we’re going to have to learn to live each other's lives One of these days we're going to have to learn

He said: “To get into my kingdom, you must lose everything Come with me and I will show you (loss of) dignity And it only has to cost you pride, bow to me” He spoke with hollow confidence dripping from his tongue He held tradition in one hand; your safety in the other one He has built an empire on his veiled intimidation Put him in his place Cat-caller with a tarnished name It is time to call out rapists and let their names burn in the fires they started How did we get to a place where we knew what was happening, still looked away Our history has favored men, but when did that become a pass to defend our actions When you share your story, it is just the guilty ones that are the unbelievers You are at the forefront of ending an oppressive culture that pardons abusers I hope for futures where our daughters can walk the streets alone I hope we learn to kill the evil that is living in our homes I just hope you're safe right now, simply thriving on your own He said “To get out of my prison, you have to speak my name" The only way his name will live on is a stone above his grave Your end will be one of solace, unlike his end in filth and shame He said “I love you but there is a condition" He only loves you when he thinks you’re “his woman” He said “I love you but there is a condition" You said “it’s time somebody stands up and ends it” He said “I love you but there is a condition" His legacy is caving in Tear down his confidence

Can it be pleasant, can it be expected, when we die Can your eyes be brilliant, can your hands be folded over mine If we’re simply failures, can we fail together, and stay alive And if I die before you, will you still move forward while I stay behind Will it be honest, will we be present, the last time we talk Will I say I’m sorry, that I got so angry, that I couldn't stop If we lose all our vibrance, become muted violet, can we keep our minds Can we sit in sunrooms, becoming faded fixtures pointing to easier times We left our eloquence dangling on clothesline in the Summer wind I don't think I was really an inside kid, I was depressed and unfocused This "bury a friend" shit has made it all too apparent that we all deal with this We develop minds that we don't understand, and then we let a system win Don’t let the system win I won't let you lose me So don't let me lose you If we fade in the sunlight We'll live on as a different hue

My baby knows when I'm depressed She puts her lips against my neck I look into those sunsoaked eyes as she says to me “we are headed for our deaths” Soothsayers swear we’re near the end They nail their doctrine through my shins They say “we know the things to which you turn to get warm when those winter months roll in” We are always just a few more days away from the hurt boiling over The childrеn see when something's wrong They are taught to shout “it won't be long” And if they make it to the point of being free, they’ll spend their whole lives moving on When this world becomes too heavy we just pass it on to younger shoulders Bunk beds, for my sister that isn't here Deathbed's calling louder every year You said - you don't need to fear the storm I said - that still leaves a lot to fear My baby knows when I'm depressed She puts the blade against my neck She says "there's something in your eyes that looks so empty, like you've been waiting for our deaths" My father gives me to the ground His lips tremble but make no sound He builds a shrine for me from gemstones that cannot save me, and I will haunt this fucking town I was waiting on the road for you to come along and run me over My baby knows when I'm depressed Those children know when I’m depressed My father knows when I’m depressed My body knows

I am sorry for the times that I go somewhere else While still sitting in the room, with my body like a shell I am sorry for the times in which I am too much Unsure if that’s any better than when I am not enough I think it started when I first played Funeral, middle seat - late nineties van Sitting there with the music paused, but still with both speakers in Too weak to be in conversation, much too scared to be alone Hoping I'd see the shape of a safe spacе friend in the street when I got homе Tell me - what I am doing, please I'll try to be better than I have been I spent so much time staying afloat I think I forgot how to be a friend I am a rope that gets more tangled as I toss and turn, asleep There is glass layered inside, cutting those who untie me And if it happens every night, well then those ends are going to fray You can fuse the ends of me, or set the whole damn thing ablaze Someone tell me - what I am doing, please I'll try to be better than I have been I spent so much time staying afloat I think I forgot how to be a friend Tell me - what am I doing, please How do I act when we meet again? Maybe we’ll sit at a dying fire Maybe we’ll talk about the end I am not a martyr, I’ve tried so hard to be good To be comforting to you, to be the way they say I should I am becoming afraid that I will be forgettable But I am still more afraid to be remembered as "not good" I am sorry Tell me - what I am doing, please I'll try to be better than I have been I spent so much time staying afloat I think I forgot how to be your friend Tell me - what am I doing, please How do I act when we meet again Maybe we’ll sit at a dying fire Maybe we’ll talk about the end

Dear mother who art in heaven Could you give father a message We are sick and need deliverance From this white suburban “heaven” We have prayed to end oppression Since before things started burning But we never got an answer Now the tide is fucking turning Why does your soul war have to be a class war? Why does your soul war have to be a race war? We became tired Sitting bеlow your expectations At the bottom of thе world Somewhere within your “hurt” In the eyes of some of the closest We partake in a pointless protest It is a plea to hit the reset Our “haven” has become facist Why does your soul war have to be a class war? Why does your soul war have to be a race war? Call out your sin, begin again, or burn down Spit out the shit you came here with, stand up now There’s minority blood on the hands of our leaders and they won’t admit it There’s a system of white elitism in place, time to fucking rescind it You can’t hide in your comfort forever pretending there is no movement Get ready for the flood - are you rising to the top or going down in the current? Fuck your leader, fuck your tear gas, fuck your armchair judgment Goddamn *growl intensifies*

What are these words, we speak so often Tired little pleas beneath our breath Some aimed at gods, some aimed at devils All powered by a quaking chest We raise our voice and speak in anger Sometimes righteous, though sometimes cruel Some scream for money, some scream for power Some scream just so police don’t shoot They usually do What is this life - but building castles In which we age, in which we die If someone comes to take your empire You go outside and end their life You claim to love with no conditions You speak your hate behind closed doors But before long, that door will open Then all will see what you fight for We have been warned A few things - Be well, sex sells, and fuck twelve. We were all sitting in our cells until the other shoe fell. They dwell in robes like Pharisees, screaming "carry me. don't marry unless you're straight, white, not fucking and delirious." Did we make it to heaven? I don't feel it. Hatred is woven into this crowd but I can't see it. I'm busy watching Jesus with his Black Lives Matter sign teaching children. I wonder if he knew the future. And if he did was he sad? If I could've seen the future I would've cut some ties that I had a little sooner. I would've been a better lover. I would've loved a little louder. I am at a loss for answers, think we might be unimportant - we will live on sonic roads til Final Breath, and Final Morning. Shifting gears and speeding. Pivoting and singing, not knowing or caring that we are bleeding. Shifting gears and speeding. Pivoting and singing, not knowing or caring that I am bleeding Please keep my name away from your lips I’ll keep your name out of my home You’ve drawn your lines, and made your statements All that you reap, will be your own A crop of bones

Grand journey, unending horizon Prepare a place for yourself, but invite someone in Bless a friend, bless an enemy Bless everyone you lay eyes on It's your big day Everyone will talk about you And the new wave Of feeling displaced and disappointed It’s the big day Everyone will talk about it Walking heavy with no purpose Tired faces all distorted Found a calling, found a hidden power Make a pact and hope to some god that it doesn't go sour It’s a gravel road at the midnight hour It’s Springsteen's caravan on a never ending tour It's your big day Everyone will talk about you And the new wave Of feeling displaced and disappointed It’s the big day Everyone will talk about it Walking heavy with no purpose Stories of the way wish you were Used to see what they saw too Used to feel a whole lot number Spit blanket statements to get through Begging someone to crawl under It's your big day Everyone will talk about you And the new wave Of feeling displaced and disappointed It’s the big day Everyone will talk about it Walking heavy with no purpose Still content with no one next to you It's your big day, it's the big day Did you become one with the thunder?

There is something evil in these woods Waiting for us to falter When our breath becomes ragged and our throats are lined with fire It will speak to us from every direction Anger - at the edge of the clearing Where sight ends and scents begin It calls me ever- inward Converting those like me, into Exhibit A for purging the all the earth CHORUS Sadness - as I hear my loved ones calling Will they see my footsteps in the Spring I hope they love the real me Not the images they're fed from That blue light that translates my memory CHORUS It says “You will become my art You will paint the forest floor You don’t deserve the earth It don’t love you anymore” In another decade, they will find it Humans turned into bloody mural WIth a single message beneath these decomposing leaves “You all created me.” There is something evil in these woods Waiting for us to falter, (here it goes) When our breath becomes ragged and our throats are lined with fire It will say "bow down and pray your fucking prayers" There is something evil in these woods Waiting for us to falter, (here it goes) When our breath becomes ragged and our throats are lined with fire With our final breath we will see the hidden truth, we are the evil in these woods

Swear in Cut down what you cannot comprehend That is what our predecessors said There is something coming for revenge Begin Cry as much as you can stand to cry We have earned this through association Innocent or not, we’re going to die She was excommunicated Forbidden to return to our world She was never one to follow instruction She gained strength before she returned And now she’s going to let it burn She’s going to let it burn Cities part as she descends Her lips meet mine as it begins

I tried my whole life to be you I bled but in different colors I tried to find words to tell you I'm not the same as the others I tried my whole life to be you I bled but in different colors I tried to find words to tell you I'm not the same as the others (Everything has been desaturated) I wrote the songs that you wanted I burned the ones that I needed (I'm starting to see in color again) They told me to talk about it When I was hurt I retreated We can talk about this over the music, or we could not I know I wasn't the best child for you I was a shitty person too But when I'm done turning into this work of art I hope you still appreciate me I tried my whole life to be you Being a clone isn't special I kept your spirit’s appearance My body turned into rubble I built the clone that you wanted Our playdates empty and quiet Night walks becoming our outlet Floodwaters turning to blankets (I made you something, I hope you like it) I left the clone that you asked for On gravel roads in the summer (If you still love me, I think you'll love it) It only surfaced on Sundays Nothing they said made it better We can talk about this over the music, or we could not I know I wasn't the best child for you I was a shitty person too But when I'm done turning into this work of art I hope you still appreciate me Appreciate me I will bless and brush this barren canvas with hope and hues that make a difference Whatever other people expect me to be is going to have to be shelved for a minute - no - a lifetime This life is mine and from now on I will live it to make BOTH you and I proud That colorless clone sank into the bottom of a gray paint can and that is where we’ll bury him I tried my whole life to be you Being a clone isn't special

There’s a nice man with a pipe smoking cavendish, vanilla He is loving what I’m saying, that makes one in all Lake Villa But as the sweat drips from my skin onto the face of my guitar I hope I make my father proud, because he helped me find my start And as the tender words ring down on apathetic ears of smokers I can feel growing burden, that is weighing on my shoulders It’s the fact that I’ve spent so much time crafting this small dream But it leads down a long road that no one knows, not even me When you finally find a person that you love truly, and deeply You’ve gotta try hard not to fuck it up and then blame it on your singing But this world just pulls to hard, and it’s a tug of war again I think that means something different now, but I don’t know what it is *throat clearing* I had written a poem to go here before but was left wanting more like a door that leads to a room aforementioned of which you inhabited, lived in - sin, sin, sinned in - so malignant a figment of your own imagination, these words are the pigmentation of my soul I’ll give it my honest ex-boy scout try and I’ll just hope that it makes me whole Maybe I should’ve been a rapper I’m a writer, a fighter, collider, proprietor of fires and wires connected from my heart to my mouth And it makes me spew things out that I don’t even have time to think about I hope you know I love you, I hope you know I do - I hope you know when I tell you it’s alright it’s cause I’m faking my smile, too I hate the pain that cancer leaves, I hate working grind and hate disease And I can hear God asking - do you trust your money or me? All I know is the quarters we cast - we’ll never get them back But it was worth the wasted change because we drank the water that splashed It was worth the wasted change because we caught the water that splashed My name is Gabriel and I solemnly swear that I’m here for a reason You can leave that name on your lips cause I promise you that this isn’t a season You can tell me that my life is a failure - you’re probably right but who’s keeping track I played too hard and I broke every single key -but I’m never coming back I’m never coming back There was a piano in my parents home I spent my days on it when I was young And I never wrote a single song That didn’t hold a place inside my soul Here’s to the depression of getting old, ha Here’s to the creasing in your papers fold Here’s to the letters that I never wrote Here’s to the fires that I should not have stoked I burned an oak tree in my backyard I bet that tree had to brace hard Not to buckle with the world’s weight But it fell when the axes came There’s still a piano in my parents home I cherish time on it, though I’m not young These days I don’t pray much anymore But I still pray that I don’t love your love I just pray that don’t lose your love