1. |
WRATH
03:04
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Bitter, blood-soaked bread, and a planner-full of pills
Slide into a stomach that doesn’t want to be filled
Decrepit, dark asylum walls yearn for the days they were built
Gesture to the grave, “that’s the next stop for me”
As your family almost slips down the hill with your body
“I would die before I’d go into a home"
And that is how it will be
Your smile - the only warmth left in the halls of the beast
Did you, too, dream of pulling out strips of your teeth?
We're all fucking the king for his sword, and just keeping the sheath
They won’t stand at the pulpit of christ
And speak false claims of me -
You’d best believe
Wouldn’t you come back
To tell me
There’s more?
Wouldn’t you linger
In the frame
Of my door?
You are so silent
You are somewhere
Not here or now
In this kingdom
Crown of flowers
On thisthis brow
We both deserve more
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2. |
Gemini Split
04:10
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We’re soaring
Through morning
We’ve come a long way from deer bones in the woods
I wish that her spirit had sprouted right out of
The muted brown leaf bed to tell me some loss would
Wait to confront me till my twenty-sixth christmas day
Feeling forever different, still forever the same
Wind in our faces
We could fall out and away from here
Wake to a sunrise
A few precious moments not ruled by fear
We always knew that we could transcend
Couldn’t have known how or when
Raise a glass to the moments in which we
Build a new dream and nobody has hands on it
We’re mourning
We watched our “best cards,” turn to flames when we set them down
We keep making new ones, adorning the tables unnoticed
As if forming words that make no sound
Insert some bullshit on a house of cards right here
Let’s not and say we did
I never was a catchphrase kid
Lines in our faces
We could fall out and away from here
Wake to a sunrise
A few precious moments not ruled by fear
We always knew that we could transcend
Couldn’t have known how or when
Raise a glass to the moments in which we
Build a new dream and nobody has hands on it
This all feels heavier now
I will love you until after it puts us down
After it puts us down
Stay the course, keep steady like always
These are the times we won’t talk about someday
Into the white hot star belt we go
Like twins torn asunder, the ship splits
But on we go
That’s it
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3. |
Made From Windows
04:07
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Do you hear that hollow rhythm?
That’s the night train coming through
If it calls for me to jump on
Not sure what I’m going to do
Cause there are things outside of this house
That I cannot let get to you
They move
They used to lead me to the river
But it never made me whole
They held you down beneath the surface
Made you calloused, made you cold
I said I’d rather take my chances
Than buy into the shit they sold
Your voice sounds like father's vinyl
In the summer, after dark
If I hear you on the train too, then my darling -
I believe you'll have my heart
Yeah
Do you see that crowd of people?
Walking like they have no hope
I used to think I'd find my dreams here
But they all went up in smoke
If we don't get out of this place
I swear, my soul is going to choke
And maybe yours will, I don’t know
Your kiss feels like streams and rivers
In the summer, after dark
If you kiss me on the train too, then my lover -
We will never grow apart
We’re going to wake up without a sense of where we are
You make me mean the words “I will do better this time.”
I will stand on the edge of heaven, middle finger raised,
If you’re staying at my side
You make me want to get a calendar
I can finally pick a date more than a month from now
That I’ll want to be alive
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4. |
TEACH
03:26
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My body feels a little tired
I’ve been putting it through a lot
Consumed by self-image hatred
Always straddling the breaking point
My heart has gotten very heavy
From all those hours that I poured it out
Just to lose a rung on the ladder
And hear it whisper as it hits the ground:
“You better teach your children to run
We're going to teach them how to fire guns”
A fine planet that ripens with hate
I am through with hurting everything that I create
A painful smile on an honest face
We still lose good people after the channels change
And I don’t think they’re coming back again - uh
I was born in an Iowan hospital
I'm going to die in a better place
Call me back when you’ve found some integrity
Cause we won't get another face to face
You were born in the midst of confusion
Your bad ideals are hereditary
You had a chance to shift and evolve
But you have chosen to be sedentary
As they say:
“You better teach that fucker to run”
Find me on the highways if you care to live
I'm sorry in advance that I don't have that much to give
If you're coming here to kill me, will you make it quick
That city is alive and I can tell you, it does not forgive
Ah shit
That city is alive and I can tell you, it does not forgive
I was born in an Iowan hospital
I'm going to die in a better place
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5. |
Sisterwraith
04:48
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Sisterwraith, if you land, please stay long
Teach me doubt, teach me faith, teach me all
May your end be not cruel, be not wrong
May I grow past the “lone, quiet one”
Some days I swear I’d trade you
Some days I think I’d stay
Some days I swear I feel you
Does that mean anything?
Oldest friend, you were there, when she died
Buried face, into fur, screamed and sighed
When you left, I performed for the Night
Took a bow, one man show, tears in eyes
Some days I tried to find you
Some days I tried to hide
Some days you still affect me
I cannot say goodbye
Finally, I found words for you
Finally, I verbalized
Those times when I was lonely
You hid behind my eyes
You hid behind my eyes
Sisterwraith, if you land, please stay long
Let me hold both our names when they call
Sisterwraith, if you go, don't stay gone
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6. |
FLOWERS
01:02
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Spent like coffee grounds, poured over and poured out
Discarded feelings drip down drains all day; keeping a closed mouth feels better in some ways - but not always
You knock in the morning from the wilderness daymares - and I open the door, you say: "Is there room in the inn here?"
I want to say no, because I'm scared of what you'll let in but -
In my depression there are many rooms
Each day the antagonist of whatever this is sews another stitch into the sides of my mouth
And one day it’s going to be enough to keep the air out - but for now:
Wrath like flowers, upon my brow
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7. |
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It was the second turn we took, when we knew we were done
When we conceded to the snow-covered road stretched in front
With one more traveler out there, all alone -
What did it want from us?
Is "a dream" not enough?
But still more weight was added on through a speaker, a phone
Hollow response to be delivered through hollower tones
There are some moments when you hear the earth say
"Something's got to go"
There are some moments everybody just knows
How much do you hate yourself today
If it's as much as me, are we both okay
How much do we hate ourselves today
Is it enough to get to the next state
Watch the world start to burn in good company
Squadding-up at hell's gates
It is the "force yourself to climb when you keep losing ground"
Inside the marrow of these bones that has kept us around
And if we make it to the point where they say
“You better not look down"
You better still be here with me
How much of a price are you willing to pay
Sidestage with an amp covered in paint
Is it enough to live through the default days
There’s still a soul to this, and that is everything
Long drive, I can’t turn back
Gotta make it count
Got a broke wrist but we broke even
Talk loud till it’s ghost season
Slow breathing, it’s a fast life
And I hate the first thoughts on last nights
Hate the last call, been playing fastball
Hate every word that I say with slackjaw
That’s all - they ain’t ever want an encore
Been in a slump - gone beyond a sophomore
All we got’s all we got - it’s fine
Burn all these words and get lost in time
Funny going broke never cost a dime
Funny how hope never crossed my mind
Dream ain’t worth much if you never wake up
Imma prove that I’m alive
Hearts in a room watching everybody move
Then I hit another county line and drive
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8. |
The Park
03:34
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Walked naked under moonlight
Left clothes by trees we’d recognize
Talked about high school and pride
Talked about some friends we didn't know were short on time
Make up your own rules in your park, when it's empty
Walk like giants through the hills, in control of your own safety
Cried, quiet, in pavilions
Where my love would start and also end
Commit to memory, every single line
"I don't a boy a need a man"
And softly then: "Goodbye"
Goodbye
Make up your own rules on the side roads, when they're empty
Trash can pentagrams are safer
Than the cults we die for every goddamn week
Stay in the park
The wind took all of it away
Well it seems that Time, this time, wants everything
Like your father coming out to find us, sprawled out on a hill
Or the heavy chest of an old friend falling still
But time won't take our illnesses away
Shed spirits keep our memories at bay
Make up your own rules when you're fucked up, when you're empty
Lost, little stupid orbs of light, we bounced when we were singing
Stay in the park when the cancer comes
Stay in the park when they won't let you love
Stay in the park when you start losing blood
And don't you fucking let them tell you you're a failure of a son
I prayed to blades of grass and tree bark that they'd keep our secrets
Underneath the buckeye tree with my imaginary therapist
I am going to love you always, and I promise that's some real shit
But you'll have to take my word for it, cause I do not know what real is
I don’t even know what real is
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9. |
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Husked -
Depleted, maybe near death
Tremble -
Gyrate, no energy left
Slip -
Behind like salt over shoulder
Fucked -
Language and countenance change
"I make everything worse"
"No you don't"
"Please," I repeat / beg you
"Do not go"
Do you dwell outside my window, low?
Small enough to live under the snow?
But the snow forts they are gone
The nostalgia, it is gone
I'm a husk now, mostly gone, we knew this
Gone - supermarket joy is gone
Those two children have moved on
If I fade out, play it on - you have to
Get good at turning around before the road ends
When he walked into the room
And you said "Dad! How are you"
And he pushed you to the wall
He said "You're in my way"
You would feel that way for life
That's not something you forget
Just a few words he'd regret
Child ripped from play
If a house could be alive
Then it was that summer night
When you got all of your things
Out of his way
As the road comes to an end
So do words of broken men
They can’t keep you in the house
You’re raised in
Raised in
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10. |
But I Can Carry You
04:15
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How dull it feels
Whatever ran me through my bones, lungs, and soul
You can try to warm a body and only get so far
At the bottom of a stand-in shower, with water raining down
Pretending to be far away
For a moment, I was offworld
On a journey not unlike our own
Bedtime prayers in otherworldly homes
I do not speak when I’m here, except to the visions
Always finding my comfort in sedation, feels better to be unaware
Yeah, don’t we all just love it?
I swear to you, when I open my mouth
I can feel the poison getting in
I’m afraid I have to leave you behind now
You would know best that this world is not my home
And I realize that whole time, I was escaping from you
We all carried these burdens for so long
But it slips off my back with a thunderous roar
Why didn't we ask questions?
Because we were told we couldn't
“You keep that mouth shut”
At the age of three years it took ahold of me
And it held me for too long - I begged it to go free
Always idolizing novels of sacrifice
"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you"
A physical and mental cross for a child
I can't carry you anymore
No more compulsions and repeated prayers
Deprived of sleep and agency
No more Devil's deep voice in the night
You want to view me as a statistic? That’s fine
But I still cannot drink your water, or wine
Like they did in propaganda books that once filled my mind
I have crossed over the the other side
I felt most alone, laying limp your arms
Though you held me, it was YOUR weight that I bore
“Die to yourselves,” we almost did
But that’s a drop in the bucket to a fucked-up church kid
If these are my last words that I’m speaking
Will you take them? Will you keep them?
I’ve written many songs asking you why
But I never wrote you one to simply say goodbye
The words spill out like Judas’ insides
When he kissed you, betrayed you, and then ran off to die
Superstar on the keys, sad, smothered, and “bought,”
Turned out as more of a side role than I thought
At the risk of congealing, I am splitting from Lot
I have no space for the gatekeeping that came with my cross
Dipped in a river, raging and deep
Begging for that Second Sleep
I held your words, they buried me
It is finished, I am free
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11. |
Not Tunneled
04:14
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Is it a learned behavior to hate every word that falls
From my own fucking mouth
To be disgusted with myself
Or was that in the cards since 1994
Sounds like a personal question, but here we are again
Always wearing them, if not asking them
Oh, why is it so hard to ask them as a friend
The tank ran out
This time not south of Fargo
On a weekend run of shows
But it ran out in my home
Broken down and empty
On the side of my own highway
There are always things that need fixing
Like a brain with its wellness fleeting
Or a trailer tire, strewn down the road
Knuckles scraping concrete during panic
If our blood stained our skin forever
We would have so much more to explain then
More to talk about than just the weather
Driving while the world looks like a tunnel
I’ve lost the words to tell you how I’m feeling
But I love you, no matter how I say it
And that’s the thing this planet won’t be stealing
When hope runs out
And you sit in your shower, unmoving
And your childhood home says “count your blessings!”
How do you escape from that home
Well I ran to the water
It was frozen and quiet and perfect
So I stayed there, a moment not tunneled
And I thanked it through tears for existing
And wondered how we live like we do
It was a quiet trip home
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Careful Gaze Minneapolis, Minnesota
MINNEAPOLIS BASED HEAVY, SAD, AND PRETTY
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